It’s the last day of the first month of the year and four days ago, I promised myself I will do something I love before February rolls in: Write. For pleasure. Just because. So here I am, fulfilling a promise to myself and wondering where my thoughts will soon take me (I seldom write with an outline).
January is one of the best months of my life ever. No, I did not go to an exotic place for a vacation, nor did I get a promotion or a raise at work. And no—even if many of you are wishing this for me—I did not get a marriage proposal.
Rewind to several weeks back and if you were two feet away from me, you would’ve heard me saying out loud: “I want to start the year—and the decade—right.” And God, who is always within hearing distance even if I can’t see Him, took notice and granted my wish.
For seven days sometime this month, I did something I have never done before: I fasted. Now, I am not saying this to get any Oohs and Aaahs, or to make you think that I deserve the “Most Pious Christian in history award.” [Skip to the third paragraph from this one and you will know the reason why I am divulging this supposedly private information.]
The challenge to fast was given during the service I attended when the congregation was encouraged to spend a week soaked in prayer and self-denial. Now, I have a confession. Prior to this, I did not have any actual fasting experience that lasted more than twelve hours [the 30-day period I did not eat chocolates does not count]. So even I surprised myself when I blurted out, “Lord, I’ll do it. I love You more than rice.” [pause] Uh-oh! I meant it but can I back it up with more than words? Can an Italian say, “I love You more than pasta,” or a Japanese, “I love You more than sushi”? I could go on and on and talk about burritos and mashed potatoes, or noodles and phad thai, and recite all the international dishes I know. You get the picture.
And so began my week-long faith journey of prayer and extremely limited food intake, or on some days, no solid food at all. Absolutely no rice. It wasn’t easy. After 12 noon of Day 1, I wanted to give up. Did I really think I can make it to Day 7? I told my friend who was also on fasting mode, “I don’t think I can do this on my own. I really need God’s help.” And more than help He did. He gave me all the energy I needed, and I have never felt more mentally sharp than I did that week. I survived and came away from that humbling experience with several pounds carved off my body, a soul refreshed, and a heart overwhelmed .
The reason I had to mention my experience is because it’s the only way the succeeding lines will make sense. I want everyone to know why I am saying thank You. Look, this is what He has done for me. He helped me do what I thought I couldn’t (some other things He enabled me to do, I’d have to keep to myself). If there was an equivalent of an Oscar Awards ceremony and my name was called on stage, I’d immediately get on my feet and sashay to the front. And even if I am wont to getting sucked into mental black-outs during tense moments, I won’t carry a piece of paper with a short speech on it. With all of my heart, I’d say:
Lord Jesus, thank You. For loving me so much and seeing beyond who I once was—I may not have been a murderous criminal, but I was a wretched sinner nonetheless. Thank You for saving me from the penalty of my sins, and that I do not have to ‘bribe’ God anymore with all the good works I have done and can think of doing. Thank You for not giving up on me when I slide back again and again to committing my favorite sins. And thank You, Lord, for proving to me that You are the Bread of Life and the Living Water, and that Your love is better than rice.
Life is great. My heart is at peace; it is easily moved to gratitude for the big and small things. A good fare bargain, wisdom and patience needed to solve the blue screen of death computer problem, an unexpected ride home when I am bone-tired and wishing to reunite with my bed ASAP—getting these blessings and more prove to me that we have a God who wants to blow our minds away with His love and grace. He sees right where we are and gives us what need, and sometimes, even what we want.
My first and only—I am referring to this entry for this month. If God were on Facebook, I hope He reads this and clicks ”Like.”