No friendship algorithm needed

Posted by Beng Alba-Jones on Friday, February 27, 2009 · 3 Comments 

TBBT’s Sheldon, in his desire to make a friend (with self-serving motives though, if I may add), developed a Friendship Algorithm. In his own nerdy way, he devised a step-by-step plan to pull an unlikable colleague towards him and into the friendship territory. It was awkward for him, to say the least, but you gotta give him credit for trying hard.

He might be wrong about scheming to win a friend but he was right about thinking how many factors play into friendship. Time, energy, money, vulnerability—these are just some of the investments one has to make. Let me draw an analogy. If I had a seed, I will not just bury it in a pot and leave it unattended, expecting it to grow into a lush, healthy plant after a year. On the contrary, I’d water and check on it every day. Maybe I’d even talk to it and coax it into becoming a mature plant—fast. I’d move my potted plant every now and then to find the perfect spot where it will get the most amount of sunlight. And I’d run my fingers through the leaves when they get dusty (there could be dust, you know). I’d guard against others from coming too near it lest they disturb the plant. I’d. . .

. . . And I’d probably smother my plant with all my fussing that it’ll do a hara-kiri.

Enough of my botanical illustration; I am getting lost.

My only point is this: Contrary to popular belief, friendships do not just happen. You don’t just size up a stranger, come up to him, extend your hand and explain, “Based on what I have observed about you by watching you from a distance for the past five minutes, you seem like a good addition to my Christmas card mailing list. Care for a cup of coffee with me while I tell you about the scars from my childhood?” No, it doesn’t work that way. It’s never that easy.

Friendship takes work, hard work. But you know what’s interesting about it? Sooner or later you will discover that when the person crosses the line from stranger to friend, that is also the time when nothing you do for the other will feel like hard labor.

“Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.”
Anna Cummin

Filed under Chocolates and Other Loves